The Brothers Buffett

Holy crap.

As part of this project, I declared that I would write a song a month based on my Buffett muses. I tried such songwriting this weekend. I am not a songwriter.

I am a frickin’ idiot.

Official sponsor of The Buffett Brothers Crappy Song campaign.

I now in fact have new rules about such creative endeavors:

1. I will spend one day maximum per song. Whatever hours I have available that day is what you, Imaginary Reader, get.
2. After four hours I will seek finishing assistance in true Jimmy style from an appropriate source: rum.
3. I repeat: whatever I produce, pre- or post-inebriation, is what you get.

I also have a newfound respect for one thing: Jimmy’s ability to produce a hook. Also, rum.

Caveats, Excuses and Justifications:

1. I did this in a day. I did it for you.
2. I am a crappy musician. I haven’t done this since I was in high school, when, hovered over a four-track, I put down my own stupid version of “Hotel California.” The world of recording technology has improved dramatically since then. I have not.
3. Shut up.

Alright, you bloodthirsty freaks. What follows is the first (half a) song from The Brothers Buffett: “I’d Rather [Blank] a 10-K.” This song is derived from the following themes from our first month together:

• Jimmy’s reluctance to abandon his country roots.
• JB’s curious proclivity for awkward lyrics.
• My overwhelming financial incapacity, as evidenced here… and here, and here, and — heck, just go to the full archives.

I hope you “enjoy” it.

For best results:

1. Place speakers approximately 24-36 inches apart, equidistant from center.
2. Reduce treble 10-15%. Increase bass a requisite 10-15%.
3. Important: Press “mute.”
4. Play.

Lyrics, for you Brothers Buffett completists:

I hate running.
There’s lots of things that I would rather do.
Like stick a needle in my eye
Or dress up in a coat and tie.
The only one I’d do it for is you.

I hate money.
It’s what all our problems are made of.
But baby if you stick with me
I’ll return all your equity
Inside of our economy of love.

I’d rather run a 10k than read a 10-K.
I’d rather read a 10-K than run a 10k.
I’d rather run a 10k than read a 10-K.
I’d rather read a 10-K than run a 10k.
Well I can’t seem to make up my mind anyway.
[Blank] the 10K, let’s call it a day.

Special thanks: reverb.